On dining and restaurants

This past weekend R and I were invited by our kind friends to a very nice restaurant. Ce resto n'est pas étoilée, mais c'est pas mal. Though Reygrobellet is not Michelin starred, it is quite good and featured in the 2011 Michelin Guide Rouge. Pas mal is a faux ami and actually means very good (though literally translated it is "not bad").

Far from being a country bumpkin (ironic because that's where I'm living now), I grew up in Boston and worked in NYC for a while. I've traveled the world, and seen many things, and so I thought I'd know what to do when sitting down to a meal in France, right? Sort of.

I know the general rule of working from the outside in when using utensils, but what about where to place your bread? Why isn't there butter on the table for bread?

I love French butter, and since moving here, I've used more butter in my cooking than in Boston. I don't think I eat more, I just use butter more times to say, butter a poele, or saute pan, when I'm making an omelette, or dotting the top of a quiche.  So where's the butter folks? Why are you holding out on me? It's not even that my delicious bread needs butter, it's just that when the butter's not there, I notice it.

Other things I've noticed when dining in or out in France:

• At nicer restaurants, you can check your coat and bags (for free usually)
• Out of respect, menus are passed first to ladies and then gentlemen (from oldest to youngest at the table)
• Out of tradition, the oldest male is given the wine list and usually does the tasting although some modern restaurants will ask if the lady or gentlemen will do the honors
• Servers always serve from the right (your right) and take from the left (your left)
• The French table is usually set with all utensils and glasses that are needed during the meal, usually two knives, two forks, one spoon (for dessert or soup), and three glasses. The largest glass is for water, the second largest holds red wine, and the smallest holds white wine. You work from outside in, and when you are finished, you cross your utensils (facing up) on your plate to indicate to your waiter that you're finished. I used to place it facing up side by side, which I thought was appropriate. You never cover your finished plate with a napkin to indicate you are finished
• A bread basket is brought out when the entrée is served, and is filled whenever it's empty. However, you won't find any butter or olive oil, and there may or may not be a bread plate. It's perfectly acceptable to rest your piece of bread on the tablecloth, or propped against your plate. And what's the bread for? For snacking, but also to absorb all the juices from your entrée or plat principal. N.B.: Why no butter? I'm not sure but I'm going to try to find out for you. I guess it's because butter is used for cooking mostly; the only time it's used outside of cooking is during breakfast when you butter your bread and eat it with some type of preserves or confiture.
• A (free) pitcher of water is provided, and refilled whenever it's empty
• Service or tip is usually included in the price
• Portions are not the snobby little portions you might imagine—unless you've ordered a multi-course tasting menu, and then it makes sense to have small portions as having 10 - 12 regular size portions are just too much. French portions I've had in bistros, restaurants, cafes are quite generous, and not overwhelming like the portions served at some American chains..think Cheesecake Factory
• Servers are there to serve; they may be friendly and respectful, but they do small talk, or come over to ask how the food is because they do not want to bother you while you are dining. If you'd like, you are more than welcome to offer your thanks or opinion at the end of the meal
• Waiters wait until the end of each course before removing everyone's plates. I am very appreciative of this French custom as often I feel rushed to finish when the waiter brings away other people's plates when I'm in mid-chew. I often decline to have my plate removed from the table when I'm the first to finish, which isn't often.
• I've never seen a doggy bag in France, maybe in Paris. But here this just isn't done, so don't ask for a doggy bag. If you aren't hungry, then just order à la carte and not the menu which is often 3 courses
• As for wine, you can't take that with you either. So if you're one or two people and you can't finish an entire bottle of wine, then order a half bottle, a pichet, or pitcher, or a glass. Many restaurants serve wine by the pitcher as well as glass
• When paying, the person who does the inviting generally pays. The polite thing to do is to return the favor at the next meal. If it's a one time meeting, or amongst close friends, the bill is usually split. As in Germany, payment transactions occur at the table. The waiter will generally run your credit card in a portable machine he brings to the table; or if you're paying by cash, he'll take the money and give you change right at the table.
• To get the waiter's attention, look in his direction; I've had pretty attentive waiters and they usually come over whenever the water pitcher is empty, so I'll wait until that moment to ask for something

When you're at any dining establishment, whether it's a bistro, brasserie, or restaurant, there are several options of ordering your meal:

• À la carte: choose individual dishes from the restaurant's carte, or menu
• Formule: select from 2 of 3 courses. For example, sometimes I'll feel like a smaller meal and just want an entree and a dessert, or maybe I'd like a plat principle and a dessert. The choice is mine.
• Menu: in French this doesn't mean what it means in English. Menu in French means a three or four course meal. Usually this is a pretty good deal and you can eat 3 courses for less than ordering 3 courses à la carte.
• Menu de jour: the menu of the day which consists of the plat du jour, the special plate of the day. The menu de jour is usually the cheapest option and often quite good.
  

When you're sitting down to a traditional French meal (whether it's lunch or dinner, at a restaurant or a friend's house), you're most likely to encounter the following courses in this order. 

• Apéritif: a pre-dinner drink, usually cold and most likely alcoholic
  
• Hors d’œuvre: cold or warm snacks served before the meal
• Amuse-bouche: cold or warm tiny dish to amuse the mouth; this is up to the Chef, sometimes the Chef will do this and sometimes s/he won't
• Entrée: the appetizer, usually a salad or soup or pâté
• Plat principal: the main course (what we Americans incorrectly call entree; I mention this so you don't confuse you're in the know when you visit France)
  
• Cheese course, or fromage blanc
• Dessert: dessert, same as in English
• Digestif: an after-dinner drink that aids in food digestion. It can be warm or cold, alcoholic or not. 
• Non-alcoholic: Café or thé, both of which are often served with chocolate, or a type of petit four called a mignardise. I usually take a tisane ververine, or "herbal tea" made with verbena. A tisane is a type of infusion, any drink made out of a steeping a plant's roots, bark or leaves in water. In France infusions and tisanes are usually not caffeinated.
  
• Alcoholic: From Armagnac to Chartreuse to Whiskey, there's a list from A to Z of different liquers and spirits you can have to aid in digestion (really).